We had "The Talk" tonight. The talk about our future. The problem with me is that talking to me is kind of monotonous. You rarely get more than an "I don't know" or an "I'm not sure" out of me. I'm not sure why. It's just me. Tonight, I made an effort. I really tried and I think it went well. I think she understands me, as much as I understand her.

There is something else strange with me and my relationships lately. In my last four relationships, I've fallen for women, who were in a relationship, either married or de facto. Not on purpose, it just happened that way. All of them were leaving or just left their respective other. And worst of all, all of them ended up with him in the end again. I should have learned by now, right? I should have learned.

Instead I stand accused of falling in and out of love easily. I stand accused of pushing them back into the arms of their respective others. I stand accused of moving on too quickly. None of this is true. I hang on way too long. I don't give up when they go back to their men. I understand, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I get all the promises. The "I'll never want to go back to him", and the "It's over". I get all sorts of assurances that I am not to blame for their break-ups. To be honest, I don't really care about their break-ups. Sure, as a decent man, I guess, I prefer not to be involved, but the reality always looks a little different, and no matter how much they assure me that I am not the reason, somewhere in the grand scheme of things, I am the reason.

What I don't get is that I am accused of letting go too easily. How can I not let go, if she is back with her ex? How can I not let go, when she is back with the Father of her children? Apparently it didn't bother me before. Well, no, it didn't because back then her promise was "To never go back to him". There was a future. Now, she has gone back to him to try again, so, no future for me. And that does bother me.

Maybe, this isn't making much sense. It was one of the things we spoke about tonight. We'll be friends, and that's it. Sure, there is love, but we won't be lovers, we'll be good friends, and that's it. She'll find her own two feet to stand on, and I'll continue building my life over here in my little corner. If we ever do get a chance to meet face to face again, we'll figure out how we feel about each other, then.

Shit, I sound grown up and reasonable about all this. There is no reason in love. No plan, no scheme. Love is. That's all there is to it. Love is. I'm sure.